One Life - No Shame

Andrew wears a black and white, diamond pattern, skin-tight, all-in-one suit.

One morning, I got up late and all the fancy tailcoats had been claimed by the other clowns. The only things left were a few waistcoats and some over-sized tie-dye pantaloons. Tie-dye? Fat chance! My only ray of hope was a skinny little harlequin suit at the bottom of the trunk.

"You'll never fit into that", they scoffed, with breakfast porridge running down their chins. "We've all tried."

When I wear this I feel like a villain from Batman, so I'm looking to accessorize with a utility belt and electro-gauntlets. Perhaps some crazy goggles, and a discreet anti-matter pistol. Then Gotham City will know my name, and tremble.

Mark my words: electro-gauntlets.

Update: This photo has been remixed into some amazing product packaging!

Holiday Burger Ruined My Life

Holiday Burger Ruined My Life

A depressing headline from the Carlisle News & Star, spotted outside the post office at Silloth.

I was at Solfest with the Ladybird Project, and took a Sunday morning stroll to Silloth. I wanted to visit the sea again, and look across to Scotland.

There wasn't much to do there. The tide was high, so I couldn't see the beach, just a concrete breakwater. There were good views of Criffel and the new Robin Rigg wind farm, as well as a Lifeboat station.

The post office was open, so I picked up the Westmoreland Gazette for a chance to play Spot the Dog again. The latest anomalous big cat news made the front page, whilst page three reported that a Mercedes had been scratched.

It was one of those mornings where I'm glad I don't live in Cumbria anymore.

Festival Downpour

Festival downpour
Up to our knees in the mud
The show must go on

I must stop using "festival" as a season word in haiku. It's starting to feel like a cop-out.

Glastonbury Haiku

Festival chill-out.
A worn-out juggler drinks tea
In a crazy chair.

For Orde, outside the Ladybird at Glastonbury Festival 2009.

Slip Hazard

an impromptu cordon around a banana skin in a muddy field

Step away form the banana, sir.

This was in the Green Futures field at Glastonbury Festival 2009.

The King of Pop

Festival rumour
That no one wants to believe...
Is he really dead?

Glastonbury Festival 2009.

Plain Clothes Operatives

Graffiti reads: plain clothes drug dealers in operation

The perimeter fence at Glastonbury Festival, at an out-of-bounds-area behind Shangri-La.

There's some speculation that it was by Banksy, but I couldn't care less.