One morning, I got up late and all the fancy tailcoats had been claimed by the other clowns. The only things left were a few waistcoats and some over-sized tie-dye pantaloons. Tie-dye? Fat chance! My only ray of hope was a little suit at the bottom of the trunk.

"You'll never fit into that", they scoffed, with breakfast porridge running down their chins. "We've all tried."

When I wear this I feel like a villain from Batman, so I'm looking to accessorize with a utility belt and electro-gauntlets. Perhaps some crazy goggles, and a discreet anti-matter pistol. Then Gotham City will know my name, and tremble.

Mark my words: electro-gauntlets.